


Frighten

by glassgoblin



Series: Random Rogues [82]
Category: Star Wars Legends: X-wing Series - Aaron Allston & Michael Stackpole
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 05:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3516857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassgoblin/pseuds/glassgoblin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hobbie angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frighten

Sometimes he liked to sit in his fighter, in the hanger, in the middle of the night when no one else was around. There was no night shift for the mechanics, and the techs would all be in their beds like good little officers, or drinking to excess at the local cantinas, and the hanger was force-blessedly empty and nearly silent too. He could sit in the cockpit of his X-Wing and lean back on the pilot’s couch, and just pretend that he was the only person on the base.

Hobbie didn’t want to experience anything like Wes had, actually thinking that he was the last surviving member of the Rogues, but sometimes the dream of emptiness was surprisingly happy. He was even getting into a new series of holonovels that explored the idea of the end of civilization, as experienced by a small group of survivors as they traveled from star system to star system trying to find a place to be safe. It was almost disturbing how often he thought about those novels and wondered what he would be doing in that situation.

Again, not something he really wished would happen. He had friends that he loved and their loss would be devastating, but as a pilot he knew that their loss might be inevitable anyway. It was just a romantic notion about shrugging off his responsibility, and that was ridiculous because he had been living that life for so long and it was nothing but constant responsibility. When he joined the Rebellion he had lost family and home, and all they did was move from system to system while being under constant threat of death.

Hobbie sighed, even his escapes were becoming burdensome. He loved his friends, and his job, and the feeling of purpose he had when they were flying a mission, but sometimes the desperate desire he had for all of it to end would frighten him. He wasn’t suicidal, and though he was often told that he was far more reckless than it was safe for a pilot to be, he had to death or injury wish. He just wanted it to end, and to be able to disappear. Sitting in his cockpit, alone in the middle of the night, was the closest he got to realize that feeling, and though he didn’t have a chance to do it very often it was something that let him find some peace between all of the other things going on in his life.


End file.
